Friday, September 23, 2011

Resisting the Resistance

I've been on this journey for the last month or so. I've been experiencing a time of clarification, heart-nudging from God and new growth. I've been writing and reading more and trying to soak up inspiration from new places and people. I have felt God reaching down into my heart and moving things around, perhaps some housekeeping before winter. Whatever it is, I'm trying my best to be prepared for what He has for me next.

For years, it's like I've been just waiting around for something new and exciting to pop in my head. I've been waiting for that next song, the next poem, the next melody. I've been sitting around, hoping that if I just think enough, things will get done. It's like I've completely forgotten about action, about doing.

In The War of Art, Steven Pressfield talks about "the Resistance." The Resistance is what holds you back from doing the work you know you are called to do. It is the list of chores you have before you. It is the baby or the cat or the dog or the husband that needs you more. It is the exhaustion, and it is the pride.

It's the reason why I haven't written a complete song in years, even though I consider music and singing one of my only passions in life.
Obviously, I'm not helpless or blameless in this situation. The Resistance is a real and powerful force in my life, but it can be overcome. 

In our pastor's sermon from this past week, he talked a lot about realizing and pursuing the calling God has placed on our lives. He calls us to have a magnificent obsession, to have one thing that we really love, really pursue, really work at. We want to be good at a lot of things, but really God has called us to be great at very few things.

I know what my one thing is. I know what God is calling me to do. I have no idea what it is going to look like. I have no idea what my future career will be. I have no idea what I'll be doing with music in 10 years. I have no idea who I'll be in the future. But I know the desires God has placed in my heart, and I know that He will lead me. I know that He will stand beside me as the Resistance comes against me.

My comfort zone is laziness. It is so nice to sit on the couch and zone out in front of the tv. It is so much more desirable to me to be on the internet just browsing instead of sorting invoices and bills for work. And I let myself fall into lethargy. And I know it.

But God has called me to much bigger things. He has called me to work hard to achieve the desires of my heart. He sees the potential in me, and He's called it out by giving me a deep, emotional love of music. He knows my limits and what I can do, even when I don't. He wants to see me pursue something real, something true, something He can use to change the world for His glory.

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